As I write this, I am on an airplane ready for take off. The flight attendant just gave the, "Place your oxygen mask on before helping your child with theirs," speech. As parents, this message should be something we carry off the plane and into our every day lives because if we don't take care of ourselves, how can we take care of our children? This seems obvious, but so many of us, especially mothers, do just the opposite. We run ourselves ragged, trying to meet the demands of our children without stopping to take a breath. Our concept of "self-care" is taking a minute to use the bathroom, hopefully by ourselves!
I grew up in an era where self-care wasn't even part of our vocabulary. It was a time when being a "good mother" meant being selfless and anything short of that was seen as selfish. When I was a young girl that message came through loud and clear each time I turned on the TV. Every day I watched TV moms like the iconic, Mrs. Brady, smile brightly while cheerfully bouncing around their suburban homes, tending to the needs of the entire family (husband included-although that's a subject for another post!)
Mrs. Brady did it all, without seeming ruffled or tired and on the rare occasion she got a headache, housekeeper Alice was right there to save the day.
As we all know, being a mother comes with ups and downs, moments of joy and sorrow. Through all the late night belly aches and bad dreams, temper tantrums and sibling battles, it's the moms who are called upon to make it all better. And the majority of us, don't have an "Alice" to come to the rescue when things get tough. No doubt about it, mothering is an exhausting endeavor. And when my children entered adolescence the physical exhaustion transformed into mental fatigue. Will they succumb to peer pressure, experiment with drugs, manage their schoolwork?
I, like so many moms out there, would scroll through facebook on my phone while waiting for my kids to get finished with swim practice or a visit to the dentist. Back then, this constituted my "me" time. But I never had a reliable, daily practice of self-care that gave me the much needed oxygen to get through those long days. Thankfully, after 23 years of being a mom, I have finally found a self-care practice in meditation and restorative yoga. This daily practice strengthens my body and my mind. I wish I would've discovered this self-care routine when my children were younger, but as Oprah says, "When we know better, we do better." If I could talk with my younger self, I'd say, "Put the phone away and just close your eyes and breathe."
My sons are young adults now, one entering his senior year in college and the other ready to start his first teaching job. It's not that I don't still worry about their well being, but thanks to my mindfulness practices, I am able to catch myself before I go down that road. And then I just breath. I feel those feelings and then let them go. By doing this, I am able to be a "good mom"- which I've now redefined as someone who models healthy self-care, allowing herself and her children to grow, develop and thrive.