Children Learn What They Live

On Thanksgiving day every year throughout my early childhood, my father, older sister and I woke before the sun rose and taxied to the Port Authority Bus Terminal in New York City. It was still dark when we boarded the Greyhound Bus with the words State College plastered above the large windshield. I was usually tired and grumpy when I got on the bus, but my mood shifted instantly when I spotted the sign, “Welcome to Happy Valley,” several hours later. “Happy Valley”, as it is still known, is located in the center of Pennsylvania and is home to The Pennsylvania State University, the largest university in Pennsylvania. But none of that mattered to me when I was a wide eyed city girl visiting my aunt and uncle’s home. I believed it was called “Happy Valley” because it was the place I felt happiest. And I assumed everyone else who lived there must’ve felt happy all the time!

My Aunt Bea (aka “Auntie Basha”) and Uncle Danny greeted us at the small bus depot, bundled up in their winter parkas, smiles beaming through their wool scarves. We’d pile into their compact Datsun, and my stomach would jump with excitement as we neared Smithfield Street. Their house sat on the tree lined quiet street, just four houses from the corner. As soon as Uncle Danny pulled into the driveway I couldn’t wait to get out to see my cousins. Their modest colonial style, four bedroom home with it’s front and back yards, covered porch lined with wooden chairs, seemed like a mansion to me. And it was, when compared to our tiny two bedroom apartment in Queens. But it was the inside of their home; the cozy living room with the ceiling to floor bookshelves stuffed full, the sound of classical music coming from the record player sitting prominently in front of the fireplace, the smell of roasting turkey and freshly baked apple cake, that made me feel like I was home.

Several years later, in the early ‘80’s, that house on Smithfield Street became my permanent home. The place I felt loved and nurtured and always valued. A poster with brightly colored peace signs and the words to the poem, “Children Learn What They Live” hung on the paneled walls of my aunt and uncle’s basement for as long as I can remember. In the beginning of my teaching career, I found this poem inscribed on a wooden plaque in a little gift shop. I purchased it and have proudly displayed it in every classroom I’ve ever taught in over the past 25 years. This poem has served as a guiding light throughout my life as both a parent and educator. And it seems appropriate to share it this year.

2020, has been a year of terrible sickness, loss and civil unrest.

A year that has left many of us feeling helpless.

Let this poem serve as a reminder that we are not helpless. The way we treat the children in our lives, will influence who they are and what they become. I will always be grateful to my dear aunt and uncle, who treated me with “kindness and consideration” through some of the most difficult times in my life.

Children Learn What They Live

by Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D.

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.

If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.

If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.

If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.

If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.

If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.

If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.

If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.

If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.

If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.

If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.

If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.

If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.

If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.

If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.

If children live with fairness, they learn justice.

If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.

If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.

If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.